Recently in a conversation I realized that within families there is usually at least one person that is more prone to being an accident just waiting to happen. But that person also seems to have the luck of the Irish about them too. Watching them go through their lives is like watching a Mr. Magoo cartoon. You remember him? He was this old guy that had his face all squished up because he couldn’t see and his face took on a permanent squint look about it. Mr. Magoo was a walking disaster, but no matter what befell him he bounced back to go on to the next mishap. Well apparently some families have their own version of Mr. Magoo.
If you don’t have some sort of plastic tote stuffed to the hilt with bandages, tape, wound cleanser, ointment that kills infection causing bacteria that lay in wait just itching to jump into an opening in you outer covering, and maybe even a jar of leaches, then you need not read any further. You apparently do not have a version of Mr. Magoo living within the confines of your household. If, however, you do have the aforementioned box-o-medical supplies and find you rotate them regularly then this is for you.
Let’s not get this mixed up with the occasional bump or scrape. An occasional sprain or broken bone is within limits of regular living. No, I am aware of families that are in constant contact with 911. Their family portrait may even be used as a 911 poster with their address embossed across the bottom for easy reference. A family that has that one special member that has a closet full of old braces, crutches, cloppity Velcro adhered boots and casts signed by many friends, relatives, medical staff, EMTs and police officers from broken body episodes gone by. A rough and tumbler that when they fall you just can’t look away because they do it in such a spectacular fashion. Oh and just for luck a horseshoe nailed up over the front door, uh right side up so the luck doesn’t’ run out!
Now that we have identified the Mr. Magoo in your neighborhood, let’s pay homage to two of the most important people in their circle. First the wife, husband, mother, father, significant other. You know, the one that is first on the scene of the next accident. The one that long ago got over the sight of blood, bone, torn flesh… This loved one can, if need be probably stitch up a wound and make a cake at the same time. Could drive to the nearest clinic while making out a grocery list, has every medication, Dr.’s name, dates of all past missteps and any insurance cards needed to gain entry into the sacred ER where yet another medical procedure is needed for Mr. Magoo. This person, no doubt, never intended on becoming part of the medical field. But do to what we can now call Magoo Circumstances, they could very easily have a medical sheepskin framed and put up on the wall.
Second, you are thinking I will say the medical staff aren’t you? Well no doubt they are very important I find that the second most important circle of people surrounding the walking disaster area is the nearest barista. Due to the need for caffeine while waiting in various waiting rooms for the medical miracles to take place, that ‘first on the scene’ person will need coffee, soda, maybe even a muffin and some time to decompress in an atmosphere that smells of fresh roasted beans instead of alcohol swabs and plaster of Paris. Oh, and offers free wooden sticks to chew on while waiting with other Mr. Magoo survivors. If by chance you could find a barista that can draw and SOS in the foam of your Grande’ Caramel Latte with a double shot, well wouldn’t that would be a nice touch.
So what is to be done with these Mr. Magoo wanna be members of our families? Shall we put them in impenetrable bubbles so they do not become a danger to themselves or others around them? Maybe we could outfit them with permanently attached backpacks filled with iodine and bandages, and peach brandy, uh for medicinal purposes only. No I surmise that since the beginning of time when, whether it was Eve or Adam who stubbed their toe first, it will always be true that; every family has one!
Trina Machacek lives in Eureka. Her book ITY BITS can be found on Kindle. Share your thoughts and opinions with her at firstname.lastname@example.org.