I wonder who will be the poor sap that has to go through my underwear drawer when I’ve (queue the spooky music) gone to the other side! More and more, as I become let’s just say mature in numbers, but never in personality, I look at my collection of garments and see the tatters and holes and think, well there is a lot more to be said about comfort than there is to be said about style. We should however try to achieve some sort of decorum that covers both. But underwear is a gray area. (You just snickered at the thought of those pieces that used to be white things and are now gray didn’t you?) Well that isn’t the gray I meant. I mean you can be more lax with things that are hidden by outer garments. My husband was going through some older family pictures where the men wore sport coats with ties and the ladies wore dresses to any event where pictures would be taken. Makes one wonder just how together they were under those dresses and sport coats and ties!
Today the pictures I see have all matter of dress, and for some strange reason, undress. Oh I can’t help myself I need to say this; People, especially girls, need to be told that when you are asked to disrobe, if it isn’t your medical doctor, one that you are paying to go to, and there is a camera involved that is not used to somehow look at your innards for some medically needed procedure, you need to leave the area. Just imagine yourself in your later years trying to explain to little Jeffery your 6 year old freckled face grandson and his friend Tommy, why pictures of you in your all together are still floating out there in cyber space. Off the soap box, Trina.
In normal circles and until Madonna started wearing hers on the outside of her clothes, you do not see underwear, but they are there. From Granny panties to frilly foo foo ones. But how often can it be said that we would be comfortable to be seen in what we have in our drawer of drawers? (Yes it is a play on words.) Now I’m not talking about what your body looks like in your underwear. No one I know would be comfortable showing up and showing off what a good sweatshirt and sweat pants covers up. I’m talking about the garments themselves. Elastic been stretched a bit too much? That region where the cotton or polyester or whatever, meets the elastic becoming a “holey” place? Okay, now you can think about the gray area! Or is it grey?
Underwear does exist and we need to pay a bit more attention to its existence. I crept up on my unmentionables drawer to clean out the clutter. Oh my stars. I’m here to tell you that there is a definite reason they are called unmentionables. After littering the floor of the bedroom with throw aways from my drawer of drawers, I hunkered down, and then did the creeping thing on his drawer of drawers. To be fair I tossed and flung and laughed at some items on both sides of the isle. I wondered, I scratched my head, I refolded some that I thought might go another round or two with the washing machine. In the end the floor looked as though a Fruit of the Loom truck had run head long into a Vanity Fair van and both exploded in our bedroom. As it turns out we both could use a trip to the unmentionables department of a department store.
While here let’s just take a moment to discuss the folding of these particular items of skin coverings. Bottom unmentionables are a lost cause for women. They slither and slide if they are made of smooth silky material, so it is universally acknowledged that just any old wadding method is how they end up in the drawer. Men’s are usually a bit heftier and therefore are able to be folded into some semblance of design that will stack in a drawer. T-shirts are a matter of available space. I have been told by my sister-in-law that I fold t-shirts a cute way. I just fold them so that they fit in the drawers.
I wish luck to that sap that has to clean out my drawers. I will endeavor to keep my drawer of drawer’s tidy and whitey, but don’t hold your breath.
Trina Machacek lives in Eureka. Her book ITY BITS can be found on Kindle. Share your thoughts and opinions with her at firstname.lastname@example.org.