By Sherman R. Frederick
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, as the classic Monty Python skit goes. The National Football League’s Washington Redskins found that out first hand when their team name — the Redskins — fell to the Inquisition of the Woke last week.
Not sure what the new name will be, but an Arizona friend says they should become the Code Talkers, which (to be serious for a moment) isn’t a bad name. But, the betting favorite is Red Tails of Tuskegee airman fame.
While you’re thinking about that, best round up a number potential names. The Texas Rangers are next on the block.
With all due apologies to Larry McMurtry and “Lonesome Dove” aficianados, the woke police contend the Texas Rangers are “a cruel, racist force.”
Hoo-boy. If Rangers get put out to pasture, can the Braves, Blackhawks, Chiefs, Vikings, and Cowboys be far behind? Closer to home, what about our revered Golden State Warriors?
Follow me on this: The term “golden state” recalls an era in which greedy gold prospectors raped the land and pushed out native peoples, no?. And, when “golden state” modifies the male-dominated word “warriors”, well gudgawdalmighty, the team may become too unwoke for itself.
And don’t get me started on the San Diego Padres. The only reason we missed that reminder of brutal Spanish colonialism is because they play so poorly they’re hardly in the news.
The Giants, meanwhile, have no such excuse. They have been very good all the while proudly putting down people of average height. Insensitive, to say the least. And the Atheletics weren’t much better, winning baseball games in the bottom of the 9th using a name clearly leaving out the uncoordinated. Shortening the name to the “A’s” doesn’t get the team off the hook. What about the other letters in the alphabet? What makes the “A’s” so privileged as to be the first in the alphabet?
The only California team that may escape is the Dodgers, because no one knows, or cares, what a dodger is.
The only way out is for all teams to drop mascots and simply go with their zip code or the place in which they actually play. For example, the Santa Clara County football team has a nice Woke Inquisition ring to it don’t you think. Certainly better than San Francisco, which has the same Roman Catholic colonial problem as San Diego.
Be ready, friends and neighbors, because no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.
NEITHER SNOW NOR RAIN … NOR COVID
There are many heroes in the fight against the pandemic — nurses, doctors, first responders — but one that gets overlooked is the postal workers. They have really come through to deliver the mail during the pandemic. When you see a postal worker, tell them thanks.
They have lived up to their motto: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”
COVID-19 RAT LINE
Human nature being what it is, you knew it wouldn’t be long before do-gooders provided a way for neighbors to rat out each other for perceived COVID-19 violations. See a person without a mask? See an unlawful neighborhood birthday party? Find people gathering in a Bible Study outside their primary “bubble group”? Marin County now has a way to email the violation for rapid response by the coronavirus police.
The Marin Rat Line is SIPViolations@Marin-County.org.
Please, don’t be that person.
REVENGE OF THE STATUES
In light of what’s happening to public statues these days, reader Marvin Morganti passes along these playful pictures. Tickled me. Hope you enjoy, too.
ONE MORE THING
— Hard to believe but we’ve been in lockdown for almost an entire Grateful Dead song.
— Payday candy bar may change its name lest it offend people who don’t wanna work.
— I ate six cans of alphabet soup. Expecting a big vowel movement in the morning.
— As far as mandatory masks go, Wal-Mart should have started with pants and bras.
Ok, that’s enough. See you next week, peeps. Thanks for reading. In the meanwhile, stay tolerant, wear a mask and avoid soreheads. Life is better that way.
Sherman R. Frederick is the founder of Battle Born Media, publisher of intensely local community newspapers, including Pacifica Tribune. He may be reached at email@example.com.)